Haiku #005

Glossary for this haiku

navigate

Bureaucratic
/ˈnæv.ɪ.ɡeɪt/v. (bureaucratic)

Etym.from L. navigare, 'to sail,' repurposed into boardroom parlance circa 2009 by a strategy consultant who needed a verb that implied direction without accountability, see Porter 2013, Internal Rhetoric Review.

A verb used to obscure decision-making by implying movement or effort while avoiding any specific commitment or outcome.

'We will chart a path through this uncertainty,' said the SVP - Q3 Strategy Briefing

landscape

Bureaucratic
/ˈlænd.skeɪp/n. (bureaucratic)

Etym.from M.E. landescope, literally "view of land", repurposed in corporate argot circa 2008 by consultants seeking a neutral noun for competitive context; see R. H. Caldwell, Pitch Theory Quarterly, 2011.

A neutral abstraction that collapses competitors, technologies, and risks into a single slide to justify initiatives without committing to specifics.

'Given the current landscape, pursuing two platform plays is recommended,' - Q2 Strategy Deck, slide 18

holistic

Bureaucratic
/hoʊˈlɪs.tɪk/adj. (vaporous)

Etym.From Gk. holos, 'whole,' reintroduced into boardroom parlance circa 2009 as holistic by a brand strategist who needed a term implying totality without measurable content, Baxter 2011, Journal of Strategic Buzz.

An adjective deployed to expand descriptive scope while deflecting requests for metrics, timelines, or accountable ownership.

'We will adopt a holistic roadmap to drive cross-functional alignment' - Q3 Board Deck, slide 47

roadmap

Bureaucratic
/ˈroʊd.mæp/n. (bureaucratic)

Etym.from Middle English road plus map, literal cartography elevated to managerial jargon in the late twentieth century by consultants who preferred implication to obligation; see H. L. Quimby, Corporate Cartography, 1998.

A prioritized sequence of nonbinding milestones and vague timelines that converts specific commitments into negotiable intentions, facilitating blame diffusion and delayed delivery.

'Can you circulate the roadmap by Friday, even if it is high level?' - Q3 All-Hands Transcript