Haiku #048

Glossary for this haiku

robust

Bureaucratic
/roʊˈbʌst/adj. (evasive)

Etym.From L. robur, 'hard wood', later redeployed by strategy consultants circa 2009 as a polite substitute for admitting uncertainty; see K. Lorton, Frameworks for Growth, 2011.

Employed to assert resilience against unspecified failures, thereby deflecting requests for tolerances, tests, or concrete failure modes.

'We need a robust architecture before customer rollout' - Q2 Product Review

holistic

Bureaucratic
/hoʊˈlɪs.tɪk/adj. (vaporous)

Etym.From Gk. holos, 'whole,' reintroduced into boardroom parlance circa 2009 as holistic by a brand strategist who needed a term implying totality without measurable content, Baxter 2011, Journal of Strategic Buzz.

An adjective deployed to expand descriptive scope while deflecting requests for metrics, timelines, or accountable ownership.

'We will adopt a holistic roadmap to drive cross-functional alignment' - Q3 Board Deck, slide 47

roadmap

Bureaucratic
/ˈroʊd.mæp/n. (bureaucratic)

Etym.from Middle English road plus map, literal cartography elevated to managerial jargon in the late twentieth century by consultants who preferred implication to obligation; see H. L. Quimby, Corporate Cartography, 1998.

A prioritized sequence of nonbinding milestones and vague timelines that converts specific commitments into negotiable intentions, facilitating blame diffusion and delayed delivery.

'Can you circulate the roadmap by Friday, even if it is high level?' - Q3 All-Hands Transcript

optimize

Bureaucratic
/ˈɑp.tə.maɪz/v. (aspirational)

Etym.from L. optimus, 'best,' later anglicized as optimize into managerial parlance circa 2008 by a consultancy associate who needed a verb implying progress without accountability, see Halpern, Corporate Lexica 2011.

A verb used to reframe cuts, delays, or metric gymnastics as intentional improvement.

'We will optimize retention by Q4' - Q3 Board Deck, slide 12