Haiku #044

Glossary for this haiku

optimize

Bureaucratic
/ˈɑp.tə.maɪz/v. (aspirational)

Etym.from L. optimus, 'best,' later anglicized as optimize into managerial parlance circa 2008 by a consultancy associate who needed a verb implying progress without accountability, see Halpern, Corporate Lexica 2011.

A verb used to reframe cuts, delays, or metric gymnastics as intentional improvement.

'We will optimize retention by Q4' - Q3 Board Deck, slide 12

bandwidth

Bureaucratic
/ˈbænd.wɪdθ/n. (metaphorical)

Etym.From electrical-engineering jargon for spectral capacity, repurposed by corporate communicators in the 1990s to quantify time and attention, see H. L. Carrington, Corporate Lexicon Review 1999.

A polite, numeric-sounding metaphor used to excuse declined requests by attributing failure to limited human time or attention.

'I don't have the bandwidth for that' - Q3 Board Deck, slide 12

circle back

Bureaucratic
/ˈsɝː.kəl ˈbæk/phrase (evasive)

Etym.Arising from late 20th century corporate speech, modeled on the physical action of returning to a point, popularized in meeting minutes and consultant memos; see Lang, 2002, 'Corporate Euphemisms and the Art of Delay'.

A polite verbal placeholder that postpones a decision or responsibility by promising an unspecified future follow-up.

'Let's circle back on this next week,' said the product manager - Q3 Board Deck, slide 47