Haiku #046

Glossary for this haiku

tapestry

Bureaucratic
/ˈtæp.ə.stri/n. (evasive)

Etym.from Old French tapisserie, entering English as tapestry and later appropriated by strategy consultancies to suggest coherent design while evading specifics, see Harrow, Corporate Lexica (2018).

A rhetorical cover term that conflates unrelated initiatives into an implied whole to justify continued funding and postpone accountability.

'We are aligning product, data, and culture into a single tapestry to unlock synergies' - Q3 Board Deck, slide 47

cultivate

Bureaucratic
/ˈkʌltɪˌveɪt/v. (bureaucratic)

Etym.from Latin colere, 'to till and tend,' repurposed by corporate communicators in the 2010s as a genteel synonym for directed improvement; see J. H. Mercer, Rhetoric of Growth, 2014.

To assert ownership of vague future outcomes by promising intangible relationship- and skill-based growth while deferring measurable metrics and deadlines.

'We will cultivate cross-functional empathy to drive sustainable value,' Senior Director of People and Ops - All-Hands Transcript, 2023

robust

Bureaucratic
/roʊˈbʌst/adj. (evasive)

Etym.From L. robur, 'hard wood', later redeployed by strategy consultants circa 2009 as a polite substitute for admitting uncertainty; see K. Lorton, Frameworks for Growth, 2011.

Employed to assert resilience against unspecified failures, thereby deflecting requests for tolerances, tests, or concrete failure modes.

'We need a robust architecture before customer rollout' - Q2 Product Review

circle back

Bureaucratic
/ˈsɝː.kəl ˈbæk/phrase (evasive)

Etym.Arising from late 20th century corporate speech, modeled on the physical action of returning to a point, popularized in meeting minutes and consultant memos; see Lang, 2002, 'Corporate Euphemisms and the Art of Delay'.

A polite verbal placeholder that postpones a decision or responsibility by promising an unspecified future follow-up.

'Let's circle back on this next week,' said the product manager - Q3 Board Deck, slide 47